Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Food Poisoning

As a youth, when i lived in the middle of nowhere, there'd be occasional episodes in which some dipshit would Everclear himself into a near-death experience. This type of alcohol overdose is commonly referred to as "alcohol poisoning", which seems a poor choice of words to me. When i think of poisoning i imagine a bite taken from an apple, or a bite given from a spider, or maybe a bad mushroom. I imagine an event by which you introduce small amounts of some toxic substance involuntarily or unwittingly into your bloodstream, but not pouring quantities of vile-tasting swill down your gullet.

However, if that can be called alcohol poisoning, then i think i can claim to be suffering from food poisoning. Not the salmonella/e.coli/bad mayonnaise sort of food poisoning, but rather the sort that results from increasing one's caloric intake by an order of magnitude for a period of at least a few days. As a runner, i'm used to eating 3000+ calories a day ; but over this last weekend i went completely off the charts. For Christmas dinner this year we had duck and ham and numerous varieties of carbohydrates, including my mom-in-law's arroz valenciana. My sister-in-law Eleanor (aka Bing), brought wine from the chateau in France that she was helping to restore earlier this year. We had apple pie and plates of cookies. I am the hapless victim of cookie poisoning.

The next day Emily's cousin Rinky and his family came down from Riverside, and we had Filipino food (lumpia, pancit, arroz). Bing made sangria, and for reasons that escape me we had an entire buffet of deserts: cookies, pie, cheesecake, cream puffs with whipped cream. Good lord, i definitely have cheesecake poisoning.

During most of the year i have decent willpower, but at the holidays i turn into Mr. Creosote. Anyone care for a mint?

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