Sunday, October 18, 2009

Living In Interesting Times

It may be that in the future i will look back on this year with some mixture of nostalgia and bemusement; as something that was not much fun but a source of interesting stories to tell. Or, possibly, it will suck just as much in hindsight.

I can't complain too bitterly. Although the economy has been tough on our family, we have survived better than many. As the holiday season approaches, I dread two solid months of socially enforced cheerfulness, but on the plus side i find myself employed at a new start-up about which i am sincerely enthusiastic.

My mood would probably improve considerably if i could run, but since the end of April i have not run regularly. My hip, which was a painful irritation in the spring, is now nearly a disability. There are many days on which i can't even walk without pain. Running was so important to my mental well-being; it not only helped me stay in shape and sleep well, but it was really the only time i had completely to myself. To many people this would probably not matter, but for a deep introvert such as myself solitude is like air to breath.

Under different circumstances, i think it would be fairly easy to feel sorry for myself; and there are some days when it feels like i've accomplished nothing that i set out to when i was young. But the last couple of years have helped me realize that i am more of an optimist than i seem to be. I managed to stay confident after my first-ever layoff. I participated in dismantling a dead company and found some worthwhile experiences and interesting people along the way. I guess i discovered that i am more resilient than i expected, and i actually can deal with change and stress. But, seriously, i have no desire to further test that capacity.